Hi. I’m Joshua, and this site should help you get to know me.

If you’re considering me a for job, you’ll probably want to head right over to my interactive résumé, where you can click on all the fun links and talk to my RésuméBot.

In lieu of a bio, here are some things I feel strongly about:

• Coffee beans should never be roasted past medium.
• The Oxford comma is all that separates us from the barbarians.
• In adapting the book A Man Called Ove into a movie, the filmmakers left out the most impactful moment, wherein Parvaneh tells Ove she needs a moment alone with Sonja at the graveyard, thus robbing us of the beautiful subtext of Parvaneh establishing herself as Ove’s de facto daughter.
• Michael Jackson’s Thriller is a disco song beloved by a generation which claimed that they hated disco.
• “Aged vanilla” and “sprouted grains” are nothing more than devious marketing terms for ingredients someone accidentally left in a warehouse for too long.
• Kale gets a bad rap, but beet greens are the real villains.
• Society hit its lowest point when dictionary publishers decided that “literally” could also mean “figuratively,” instead of recognizing that people who were using “literally” to describe something figurative were being deliberately ironic.
• You can judge the quality of an ice cream parlor by whether its mint ice cream is white or green.
• The musical crime of the century occurred when the rock band Smash Mouth released their 2001 cover of the Monkees’ I’m a Believer and replaced the lyrics “Seems the more I gave the less I got” with the infinitely inferior “The more I gave, the less I got, oh yeah.”
• W’s should be called double-Vees. I mean, just look at them.